First off, you see ’em eyeglasses. Bottega Veneta™ BV1228OA Square Eyeglasses, the ad screams from Mytheresa. And they say “foolproof” for women who love shopping. Foolproof? Please. Shopping is never foolproof, especially when you’re staring down the barrel of prices that could rival a small mortgage payment. But hey, these *are* Bottega.
Then there’s the sunglasses. BV1213S Square Sunglasses over at THE OUTNET. “Elevate your style with discounted designer.” Okay, now they’re talking. Discounted is the magic word, people! Because honestly, who’s paying full price for anything these days? Not I, says the girl who lives on instant noodles but dreams of Italian leather.
And the clothes themselves? Bergdorf Goodman’s got the BV1225O Wayfarer Eyeglasses (okay, I know that’s eyeglasses but they’re selling CLOTHES too, you get me?) and promises “elegance to the next level with these long draped silky styles.” Sounds fancy, right? Like you’re about to waltz through a Venetian palazzo. But let’s be real, most of us are just trying to not spill coffee on ourselves on the way to work. Long draped and silky? Sounds like a dry cleaning nightmare waiting to happen. Plus, high-rise? Ugh, personal opinion here, but high-rise anything is just…uncomfortable. Give me some stretchy leggings any day.
Oh, and the cat-eye ones! BV1004S Cat and BV1064O Cat, Neiman Marcus has the apparel, South Africa has the delivery. It’s all over the place, like a global conspiracy of fabulousness. You know, like, they want you to be your most stylish cat-eyed self, no matter where you are.
But here’s the thing, right? It’s all about the *perception*. Bottega Veneta wants you to think you’re buying more than just clothes. You’re buying into a lifestyle. A lifestyle of… well, I don’t know, gondolas and espresso and not having to worry about your student loan repayments, I guess. Which, LOL, who are we kidding?
The BV1242S Square Sunglasses, the ad blares, are from an Italian lux brand “that produces the finest men’s and women’s clothes, bags, leather goods, extraordinary home items, and eyewear.” Extraordinary home items! Like, what, a solid gold toilet brush? I’m being sarcastic, but also, I kinda wanna see it.